Interviewees: *Gabby & Kevin
Age: 26 & 28
Why did we interview them? They got married after only 4 months of dating. And it’s been fabulous.
SE: How long have you all been together? Married and how long did you date before getting married?
Gabby: We’ve been married for 1 year and 7 months ! We only dated for maybe 3 months before getting married.
Kevin: We have been married for 1 year and 7 months (March 4th). We dated for 4 months before we got married.
SE: To each of you, what was it that told you that your spouse was the one?
Gabby: Oh gosh there were so many things, and I fought the feelings for so long because I couldn’t believe how quickly I had fallen for this man. One morning he was getting ready for work and the button on his pants came off; this man sewed it back on, cooked his lunch and dinner for the week, and ironed his clothes. At one point, I told him we couldn’t be intimate at all, like not even kissing. He respected that, and through that period I fell even harder for him.
Kevin: Her smile is what caught my attention, then after a few weeks I realized how genuinely happy she was, which is very hard to find.
SE: What type of advice can you give other who feel that they must be with someone for a certain amount of time before getting married?
Gabby: I used to believe you needed to date someone for 2-3 years to really be able to figure out if you can spend the rest of your life with them. However, when you know, you know. I’ve been with people much longer and I think sometimes you get comfortable and start to convince yourself that you can be okay with that person’s shortcoming, when you really are just compromising trying to follow through with this unwritten rule that you have to date some one for an allotted time to really get to know them. When we put these time frames on our lives it really blocks the natural creation of things.
Kevin: You need to be ready; you as an individual need to decide with yourself, what phase of your life you are currently in.
Are you at the player stage? Are you ready to settle down? Are you spending time alone to gather yourself, and do some soul searching? I believe that is the first step, admitting to yourself, what phase in life you are in. Once you determine this, then finding someone will become easier. We are all creatures of habit; the way you were raised determines your thought processes. Within this, you have developed certain things you want in life based on your life experiences. With that being said there might be a certain thing or certain things that you are subconsciously looking for in a person, outside of the typical traits like how he/she dresses, is he/she clean, can he/she cook, does he/she have a career, does he/she have a car etc., I believe that once you identify those certain things that you are looking for deep within a person you will know when he/she is the one. In my case, I saw happiness, that is something that I have ALWAYS wanted in my life based on my childhood experiences, and I saw that in my now wife, it was that obvious. I didn’t know it at the time, I started asking married people how do you know when you have found the one? They said you just know, and the feeling I experienced was new, so I figured it was something special.
Please explain how you all met? Details. Was it very calm or was it instant passion? What felt different?
Gabby: We met at a BBQ. It was actually like a weekend of events but he didn’t speak to me until the BBQ. Somehow a few people got into a discussion about colleges and I was proudly repping FAMU. This guy (my husband) chimes in talking about how that’s unfortunate *eye roll* so I’m expecting him to say he went to some PWI (I was totally judging him by his little shorts and fresh ASICS) come to find out he’s also an HBCU grad! So I was like okay, I guess you are all right. So we are just standing around and drinking and then the guy who I was seriously crushing on text me and ask me what I’m doing. I asked *Kevin to help me text him back I wanted him to come to the BBQ. Long story short, the boy didn’t end up coming because “he had to study” I was bummed but *Kevin was like forget him let’s have a good time, and that we did
Kevin: Lol, so we met at a mutual friend’s birthday BBQ. I was new to the area and was trying to mingle with some young professionals etc., so he invited me out to the weekend activities. They started on Friday April 15th, 2016. They were having a pre-game party at their house and then going out to the club but I was done with clubbing at that point in my life (settle down phase) so I didn’t take part in the club activities. This is the night I first laid eyes on *Gabby, she was wearing an olive green, body fitting, knee length dress, revealing just enough to make you curious. What caught my attention though was her smile. Literally took my breath away. The following day was the BBQ and I was just hoping that she was going to be there that way
1. I get to see her again and
2. I would be in my element, a more relaxed setting.
It was funny how we first exchanged words though. Finger foods were being served and I was being feisty with this Jamaican girl, I had asked her to make my plate and she refused to make my plate because she didn’t know me. The Jamaican girl then goes outside and gets *Gabby and tells her some random guy (me) is trying to get her to make his plate. Low and behold, *Gabby comes walking in behind the Jamaican (as if she was going to save the day) and needless to say, that was my opportunity, handed to me on a platter (no pun intended because I still had to make my own plate lol).
So we get to talking, conversation goes from food to HBCUs and well of course I had to stand up for my AGGIE family in a house full of snakes (FAMU Rattlers). After a while the Jamaican girl leaves the conversation and myself and *Gabby just have good, quality conversation. At the time she was talking to this guy, he was texting her and asking what she’s doing at 10pm on a Saturday night. *Gabby had got her hair done and was looking very nice. She sent him a pic of her earlier that day so he could come to the BBQ and hang out with her but his excuse was, he’s a PhD student and has to study for a test that he had on Tuesday. So I respected the scenario initially, just meeting *Gabby, I don’t know who she is so I went with the flow. We continue talking and she asks me for advice, what can she tell him to make him come see her. So I gave her some solid advice, at this point still respecting the situation. He still didn’t want to see come see her so I told *Gabby that he is probably gay. There is no way your female friend wants to see you but you somehow can’t make that happen. From being in the game for so many years, I knew he was dealing with someone else because if he was serious about her he would have seen her that night. He never came, she put her phone away and at that point I took advantage of a situation that I had control of because she was right there in front of me. And the rest history.
Do you think that going the unconventional route has ignited more passion between you all? If so why or why not?
Gabby: Either you have passion or you don’t. It’s something that we just naturally had. The “unconventional” nature of our relationship has nothing to do with it.
Kevin: I don’t think the route has anything to do with our passion. Our passion was derived from the first night we met.
Do you all masturbate? Do you think it’s healthy for married couples?
Gabby: Yes we do. We work completely opposite schedules, and some weeks he’s out of town. Sometimes you just have to get down there and handle your own business. However, I prefer him all up in it.
Kevin: Yes, we do masturbate. I don’t see anything wrong with self-pleasure and I do believe it is healthy for married couples. I’d much rather my wife masturbate then seek pleasure elsewhere. As human beings we will be curious up until our last breath. If we can appease that curiosity by masturbating, I am definitely all for it.
What is the most intimate thing that you all do together that’s outside of the bedroom?
Gabby: We get couples massages every so often. He usually makes a date night out of it and buys me a cute dress for the night, and we’ll do dinner afterwards. We also go for drives and look at mansions and just visualize and talk about our future.
Kevin: In my opinion, the most intimate thing that we do outside of the bedroom is when we visit different cities, embrace different cultures and site see.
Do you all experiment with toys? If so, do you have any that you suggest for our readers? If not, do you plan to experiment with any in the future why or why not?
Gabby: Not very often. We keep saying we need to go to the sex store and get a few things.
Kevin: We’ve used toys a couple times, we definitely don’t do it often enough, however, I do plan to include toys throughout our marriage. Reason being, it keeps things interesting in the bedroom. You have your typical sex and it’s good to change it up and freak outside of the box sometimes.
Do you all watch porn together or separate? Do you think porn is ok in marriage?
Gabby: I’m not really into porn. *Kevin will watch it though.
Kevin: I am the only one that watches porn. *Gabby never got into that but that’s on my bucket list as well. There is a lot you can learn from porn, which can benefit your bedroom intimacy.
What are the top 3 things that you all think that marriage needs to last?
Gabby: Communication- you have to be able to listen and revive what your partner is saying to you. I’m really big on tone. If I don’t like how he says something to me, I let him know and he will fix it
Compromise- you are two different people at the end of the day. You’re not always going to see eye to eye. You have to be able to see things from the other person’s perspective, and come to a happy medium.
Dating- NEVER stop dating! It’s so easy to get lost in the hustle and bustle of life. Set aside a night a week to just go out and have some serious 1 on 1 time, and come home and Love on one another afterwards.
Kevin: Communication – a lot of people like to be “petty” and childish in delicate situations, which can be fixed by a casual conversation. Without structure, there is destruction. If you can communicate well with your life partner and put everything on the table, leaving no space for what ifs, I believe marriages will last forever.
Loyalty – if I can’t confide in my partner, I start to have issues.
Good Sex – people get married and forget this part of their relationship which keeps that internal flame burning.