Interviewer: Samia B.
Interviewee: Nia Akosua
Why did we interview her? She’s never had an orgasm from a sexual partner
SE: How old were you when you found your first orgasm?
Lady: Zero age! Well I guess like 23 or 24
SE: Have you ever had an orgasm from a sexual partner?
Lady: It was always a rollercoaster but I never got to the top. It was through talking to friends that made me realize I had never had an orgasm and that’s I never felt that ‘WOW’ factor.
SE: How did masturbation enhance your sex life?
So after talking to you, and me telling you the situation at hand you immediately suggested that I invest in a vibrator. So when I went to Destin with some girlfriends I suggested we stop at the sex store and that’s where I got my first vibrator.
SE: Why do you think you’ve never had an orgasm with a man?
Lady: I think it’s a few things, first being lack of intimacy, I’ve learned I have to feel connected and comfortable for me to even have sex with someone to allow myself to get to that point in my mind. Next it’s lack of knowledge, on both sides. For me it’s like I had never took the time to explore myself sexually so I couldn’t even tell the guy what was missing or what needed to change and then on their side I really wasn’t convinced that the guy really had my pleasure’s interest at heart. Honestly men act selfish as fuck; they don’t even ask afterwards if you’re good they just assume you got off. Lastly I think there was a disconnect between what was being said amongst other women my age and what was actually happening. When I listened to conversations amongst the girls they all talked about how they ‘came’ and the sex was so good, but after I got over the fear that maybe something was wrong with me I decided to talk to my close friends and came to find out most of them had never experienced an orgasm during sex either. I thought it would be just as easy as they were saying but it wasn’t, it’s multifaceted. So after actually taking some time to learn about the female anatomy and connecting to myself I was able to find orgasm by myself with no problem.
SE: Does it become awkward after telling a man they didn’t make you cum?
Lady: I’ve never told them, I didn’t want to hurt their feelings. These are people that I actually liked. How do you tell someone that they didn’t please you?
SE: Do you think that talking about it could improve it?
Lady: Yes because then I could explain what’s going on and tell them exactly what it is that I want. Also I would have a moment to say I really don’t care for this at al instead of only caring about me hurting their feelings. I also think men should start asking are we satisfied, but yes now that I know myself physically I can tell someone more.
SE: Is sex fulfilling even without the Big ‘O’ at the end?
Lady: I wouldn’t use the word fulfilling at all, for me fulfilling is how I felt after I had this amazing pasta in New York, I wasn’t left wanting for anything after that it was the best meal of my life. So no I’m definitely not.
SE: Do you feel discouraged from having sex with men after continuous unexpected endings?
Lady: Yes, sometimes I feel that way so I’m no longer pressed about having sex, if it happens it happens. I don’t know, sometimes I want someone to be intimate with and other times I’m like naw fuck this I’m not trying to be disappointed again.
SE: How has your sexuality changed since entering college up until now?
Lady: (Inserts stupid long pause) It’s changed because entering college I really started to get to know myself, I came in discouraged from past experiences but when I got here I got more open to trying things because I wanted to figure out how the hell do I get this Big ‘O’ (laughing) and not just my sex life my entire life became and extension of sex it wasn’t separate anymore. I basically became more experimental to figure out where this hidden pleasure was for me.
SE: So do you want to give us examples of what you experimented with?
Lady: Lol sure. Basically I started acting off this hidden sexual side that I had. It was kind of hidden.
SE: Specifics hun
Lady: Lol ok! I had a threesome and I was actually the guest. I started a relationship that was strictly sexual I’ve never done that. I’ve always been a relationship person. I straight went and got a fuck buddy. The threesome was my first interaction with a girl on girl experience and it was cool.
SE: What do you want your sexuality to become as you get older, what do you visualize as your optimal sex life?
Lady: Free, unafraid, comfortable. I want it to feel like those exact words. I wanna find that side of me that’s there but I haven’t found yet. I definitely want fulfilling and confidence, a sex life that’s like 5-course meal type shit, you know like the best nights of my life.
SE: What are some areas of sex that you are open to now that you never thought you would be open to?
Lady: Definitely that threesome, I can’t say that’s something I would do in my relationship but I didn’t realize I would try that.